God admits design for human brain was known to be flawed before creation
By Jon Hofmann
Celestial Reporter
Febuary 9, 2007
In a stunning revelation earlier this week, God admitted he was notified by several "well-placed" angels,
responsible for the design of the human brain, that there were serious questions about
cognitive abilities humans could obtain. Appearing at a news conference and flanked by traditional supporters
Moses, Elijah and Enoch, God refused questions and only made the following statement:
"While all of heaven was hopeful that man was to be our finest achievement, the proverbial "crown of creation",
it has now become disappointingly obvious that the "man-project" is a failure. I cannot absolve myself
completely of responsibility, given that I made the decision to go ahead with a brain design
that had not been fully tested. Based largely on the successful brain design of apes, man's brain has only a few
additional features such as freewill, disregard of one's own fecal matter and monogamy that were thought to
be largely independent of physiology. It is true that I was notified by several angels on the design committee
of the hypothetical possibility of a cataclysmic breakdown in the ability of humans to discern between the
real and the unreal. Recent events have made it painfully obvious that these hypothetical possibilities have
actually been obtained."
It is widely assumed that the "recent events" God was referring to are the reactions that Boston officials had
to an add campaign launched by the Cartoon Network, a subsidiary of Turner Broadcasting System. An unofficial
spokesperson for God suggested in particular that it was the Bostonian Assistant Attorney General John Grossman
who had finally convinced God that the "cataclysmic breakdown" had in fact occurred. Speaking on condition
of anonymity, and in fear of eternal damnation, the spokesperson went on to say, "God was really disturbed when
he read a quote from Grossman on a MSNBC webpage claiming the simple electronic devices that caused a terrorism scare had
the clear intent 'to get attention by causing fear and unrest that there was a bomb in that location ...'"
It is not clear if God will be making further statements regarding this revelation. When asked if there
would be forthcoming statements the unofficial spokesperson for God laughed and said, "you
probably won't remember this tomorrow ... God typically deals with these types of issues by going
back in time and changing history ... only time will tell ... call it The Divine Prerogative!"